Welcome to Bluestone 1 - Bluestone homecoming Page 15

  “Trinity. You look great.”

  “What are you doing in Bluestone?” She tried to force a friendlier tone, when she wanted to send him to hell.

  He glanced at Leo again. “I wanted to talk to you.”

  “About what?” Panic fluttered at the back of her throat.

  He inclined his head to an empty table. Still too close to Leo for her comfort, but she nodded and let him guide her away. She wanted to look over her shoulder at Leo, to see his reaction, but the thought terrified her, filled her stomach with ice. Please go away, please go away. I will tell Leo if you will just go away.

  “What is it, Charles?” she prodded when he didn’t say anything, only looked at her.

  “I got married,” he said, waiting until she sat across from him. “I have two boys.”

  “Congratulations?” He hunted her down for this?

  “Having my sons has made me think, I don’t know. I’m wondering about Rachel, about where she is. If we did the right thing giving her up.”

  Rachel. He had named her, she hadn’t, knowing she’d never call the name, sing happy birthday, fill out school paperwork. “Of course we did the right thing. We were twenty. In no position to care for a child. You didn’t even—” She shook her head. Charles had been absent for most of the pregnancy after he found out, had only appeared in the last few weeks, trying to talk her out of giving the child up for adoption. She’d already selected the birth parents by then, and had signed the contract. She’d had to fight with Charles to get him to sign, too, to convince him this was best for all of them.

  She found out later that while she was suffering from morning sickness, was devastated by her parents’ disapproval, was struggling to pay her doctor bills, he was living with another woman.

  “I know I was a bad guy, I did wrong by you. But she was our child and we could have worked on all of that.”

  She shook her head. “She was better off going with the Jennings. They were married, secure, and they wanted her so much. You saw the look on Mary’s face when she held the baby.” The baby Trinity herself never held. Her arms suddenly ached. “You have a life now, I have a life now. I don’t understand why you’re revisiting this.”

  “There are so many things I need to make amends for, and the biggest is what I did to you and Rachel.”

  “Stop calling her that,” Trinity said through her teeth. “That’s not her name. That’s the name you liked when you finally came around with this fantasy that would never work. I don’t care that you’re making amends. That’s about you and not me.”

  He reached over and caught her wrist. “You can’t tell me you don’t think about her every day. Let me tell you, it gets worse when you have other children, always wondering about her and how she’s sleeping and if she’s healthy and loved, and what she got for Christmas.”

  She yanked her hand away, tears blinding her, but not tears of regret. She did think of her daughter often, did wonder those things. She didn’t need this man, this jerk who’d left her when she was most vulnerable to lay the guilt on.

  “What I feel and what I think and how I deal is my business, not yours. You need to leave Bluestone, Charles. I never want to see you again.”

  “Everything all right here?”

  She pivoted to see Leo by the table, brows drawn together, arms folded as he glowered at Charles.

  “I’ve got it under control,” she told him through her teeth. The last thing she needed was for him to overhear. She was going to tell him about Rachel—about the baby. She was. Just—not under duress. She glanced past him and saw Quinn stood a few feet behind Leo, ready to back him up. “Please, guys. Charles was just leaving.”

  “I think we need to talk. I think we need to—”

  She swung on him. “You need to leave. You’re not part of my life anymore. I made my choice. Now, please—”

  “I’m staying at one of the cabins at the Landing this week, if you change your mind,” Charles said, rising slowly, looking from Trinity to Leo. “I know you think you’ve moved on but it’s not as easy as it sounds.”

  She was shaking with relief when he finally walked out the door. Leo sat beside her and put his hand on her back.

  “What the hell is his problem?”

  She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. “Leo, we need to talk.”

  “Okay.”

  “But not here. And I need a drink first. Will you get me a whiskey?”

  No sound, no movement. She lifted her head to look at him. He stared at her.

  “Please?”

  “That bad?” he asked.

  “I just need to calm down a little. Please?”

  He stared a moment longer, then rose, crossed to the bar and got her drink.

  She hadn’t had a whiskey in years, and the punishing burn startled her. But as the warmth spread, she flexed her fingers, rolled her neck and relaxed. She pushed the half-full glass back toward him. “Now you.”

  Keeping his gaze on her, he swallowed the rest. Then she stood, reached a hand to him, then thought better of it and withdrew it. “Let’s walk by the lake.”

  She hoped he didn’t think that was code for “Let’s go to your dad’s boat and act like horny teenagers.” She turned and led the way out of the bar.

  “Who was that guy?” he asked as they crossed the street.

  “My college boyfriend.” She made it as far as the lawn by the landing before her legs gave out and she collapsed on the grass. He sat across from her, cautiously. “I’ve been wanting to tell you something about my past but wasn’t sure how to bring it up. It’s not something I’m proud of, and I guess I didn’t want you to think badly of me, but after this weekend, I’d planned to tell you. Charles just kind of pushed my hand.”

  “You were married?”

  She shook her head and forced herself to look at him, forced herself to register his reaction when she told him. “I had a baby. Charles and I. We put her up for adoption.”

  Nothing. She couldn’t read his face at all, and she thought she’d gotten pretty good at it.

  “I was very young, my parents were very upset. No one in town but Lily knows. All of it happened in the city. She went with a very good family. They were in their thirties at the time and desperate for a baby. I got to know them before I signed the contract and I knew they’d be good to her, would love her, would take care of her. Charles wasn’t around at that point. I didn’t have a real job, I was two years from graduating. I could have kept her and struggled, maybe never graduated, but would that have been fair to either of us? She has a good home and she’s loved.”

  Still nothing. She wanted to grip his hands just to feel he was still alive but was terrified he’d shake her off.

  “Say something, Leo, would you?”

  “Not sure what to say.” He sat back, leaning on his hands, as if he wanted to put as much distance between them as he could without running away. “I’m—I knew something was bothering you but I never suspected this.”

  “I should have told you before. I know that. I just didn’t know how. I didn’t want you to change how you thought about me.”

  “What does Charles want? Why is he here now?” The words were flat, a reporter’s voice, passionless.

  “He says to make amends. I don’t know. He twisted me up, both then and now. I dealt with a lot on my own. My parents were upset, as you can imagine. Charles was gone. Please say you at least understand.”

  Leo looked into her pleading blue eyes. He understood, all right. Hadn’t he pawned his kid off on his parents so he could go be the big-shot reporter?

  But Trinity—she was nurturing, surrounded herself with kids. To make up for the one she gave up?

  And all these future thoughts he’d been thinking—would she want to have more children, or would she always feel sad, feeling as if part of her was missing?

  “I understand,” he said finally, unable to bear looking into those sad blue eyes a moment longer. “But I just—I’m surprised. I never
thought you—that’s a big secret to keep.”

  “I didn’t know we’d get so involved. I thought you’d leave. And when you came to St. Paul, I knew everything had changed, that I needed to tell you, but I didn’t want to spoil our weekend. I was going to tell you Saturday night when you got the call about Max.”

  “You didn’t trust me. You didn’t trust me not to walk away like he did.”

  Her eyes widened. “That’s not it. It’s not something I’m proud of. Like I said, only Lily knows the truth. I don’t go around telling everyone.”

  If she’d whipped him, it wouldn’t have hurt more. “I’m not everyone. I’m the man you’re sleeping with.”

  She flinched at the phrase. “The man who I know very well might leave on another story tomorrow. Isn’t that really why you were in St. Paul? To get your job back?”

  Why was she turning this around on him? “That was—I didn’t go there with that in mind. It was a whim. I went to see you. To spend time with you. But now—you couldn’t trust me with this.”

  “Leo, you’ve seen how my parents treat me, and they’re supposed to love me. I couldn’t be sure how you would react.”

  “Because you figure I’m the kind of guy who’d dump his kid with his parents and head off to a war zone, so why would I stay with you? Is that who you think I am?”

  She blanched, paler than she’d been in the bar when she first saw Charles. Hurt flashed in her eyes but she didn’t cry. Instead, she scrambled to her feet and brushed off her bottom with shaking hands.

  “Maybe at first, but not anymore. And just so we’re clear, this is who I am. The counselor, the woman who gave her child up for adoption, the preacher’s daughter, the woman who thought she was in love with you. That’s who I am.” With that, she spun on her heel and strode back across the street to the parking lot.

  He stood, too. He should call her back before she got in her car. She was in no condition to drive. Nerves had trembled along her entire body. But she hadn’t been crying. He got as far as the curb, ready to stop her, but she gunned out of the parking space in a whirl of gravel, twisted the wheel and hit the pavement with a screech of tires. Then she was gone.

  “She hasn’t changed much,” a voice behind him said, and Leo pivoted to see Charles standing behind him, smug-faced. Leo wanted to punch him, though the man wasn’t the problem, just the impetus.

  “What do you want from her? Really?” Leo demanded.

  “I told you. I did her wrong. I wanted to make amends.”

  “That’s going really well, you might have noticed.”

  “Yeah, well, this time I wasn’t the one who had her driving off in a huff.”

  Leo scowled at the reality of the statement. God, his mind was a muddle. He never would have expected Trinity to be keeping such a secret. Yes, it had happened a long time ago, and yes, they hadn’t been seeing each other that long, and yes, she was right that she didn’t know if he was going to stay, if she should reveal her secret. But damn it, they were lovers. Didn’t that count for something? Did she really view him as someone who would turn his back on her? He knew she hadn’t had—oh, hell. She’d told him it had been awhile since she’d been with someone and now he knew why. She hadn’t been with anyone since the birth of her child. Talk about learning one’s lessons the hard way.

  He found himself in front of Lily’s door. “You knew about Trinity’s baby?” he asked without preamble when she opened the door, dressed in loose-fitting knit pajamas, her hair up in a ponytail, make-up washed from her face.

  She stepped back to invite him inside wordlessly.

  He hadn’t been inside her place since he’d been back, the dark-wooded, low-ceilinged place a little claustrophobic. He felt he had to dip his head. He knew she’d gotten the place from her folks, but very little had been done to make it her own. Still, he wasn’t one to talk. He hadn’t even found a home for himself and Max. Now everything he planned seemed just—wrong.

  “I knew about her baby. I know what a hard decision it was for her. I know it’s something she lives with every day.”

  He dragged his hand through his hair. Why had he come here? Lily would stand up for Trinity, and she should. Leo wanted someone to tell him he was right to feel betrayed. “She didn’t tell me. She says she was going to, but Charles showed up so she didn’t have a choice.”

  “Why do you think you needed to know?”

  He stared. Was she really so oblivious? “We’re involved.”

  Lily tossed her hair over her shoulder and folded her arms over her chest. “And you’ve told her you love her and all that?”

  “No, but I went down to Saint Paul to spend the weekend with her.”

  Lily’s lips set in a stubborn line. “So you could sleep with her. Has she said she loves you?”

  He huffed out an impatient breath. “Why is that a prerequisite to telling the truth?”

  “Maybe she didn’t want to reveal that part of herself to you. You know who she is, where she comes from. She has an overdeveloped sense of shame, and I’m thinking maybe you didn’t help her with that.”

  The women were in it together, turning it around on him. “All I want is honesty, trust from the woman I’m with. Is that too much?”

  “Leo, think about it. If it was you and you lived through the humiliation of your parents’ disapproval and your boyfriend’s abandonment and you made this incredible decision on your own—would you be bouncing around telling people?”

  Here she was doing the same thing, lumping him in with everyone else. He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t like secrets.”

  “Who does? Especially not reporters, I’d imagine.”

  “I don’t know what to do next.”

  “Go to her, tell her you understand why she didn’t tell you, live happily ever after.” She tossed her hands in the air. “Problem solved. Thanks for coming to Lily’s Relationship Resort.”

  “I don’t know if I can do that.”

  Lily lifted her shoulder. “Then break up with her over something she did when she was a kid. Just be aware that makes you the jackass, not her. You’re a fine one to judge after you dumped your son on your parents so you could keep working overseas.”

  “No, it’s not that. I mean, I can understand the decision. But—I just need to think.” He backed toward the door. “I got an offer to cover a hearing in Washington DC. I think I’m going to take it, take the space. If she asks…”

  Lily sighed. “Tell her yourself. I’m not going to be your messenger girl. And you’d better get someone beside Quinn to run the projector. Tony had to stop him from throwing the thing in the lake.”

  He opened the door, and instantly saw Quinn across the street in front of the bar. Worse, Quinn saw him, and saw Lily behind him in her pajamas. Crap. Yeah, he was making all kinds of impressions tonight.

  Quinn scowled and stalked to his house behind the bar.

  Leo nodded in that direction. “Maybe you should look to that, Miss Relationship Resort.”

  She waved her hand. “Whatever that might have been is in the past. Don’t worry about me. Worry about Trinity. Don’t make her ashamed of what she did, Leo. Don’t be like her parents.”

  Yeah, way to put the pressure on.

  ***

  Trinity woke to the sound of something rattling her window. She lifted her head from her pillow and peered in that direction. Just when she thought she might have imagined it, the sound came again. She tossed back the covers and crept across the carpet to look outside.

  Leo stood on her lawn, bouncing something in his palm. She glared for a moment, then slipped on her robe and slipped downstairs and out the front door.

  “What are you doing here?” she demanded, crossing the wet grass, in her bare feet to confront him. “And how did you know which was my window?”

  “Frilly curtains.” He tapped his temple. “I was thinking. I have to tell you I’m leaving.”

  “What?” Panic clutched her chest, left her light-headed. He
couldn’t deal and he was going to bail.

  He stepped forward, and for a moment she thought he’d steady her, then his hands fell away. “Jim down in St. Paul offered me an assignment in DC that will take me about a week and I’m thinking maybe the space would be good. But I didn’t want to leave without saying anything to you, didn’t want to make you think I was pissed. I’m not—just confused. All right?”

  She tucked her hair behind her ears and glowered. “Confused about what, exactly? This is a choice I made years ago, a choice I’d make today in the same circumstances.”

  He frowned. “I didn’t come here to fight. I just—there are a lot of things going on in my head, I have this job offer, and I want to go.”

  She jabbed her chin at him. “Then go.”

  He blew an impatient breath through his nose. “I didn’t want to leave without saying good-bye. I didn’t want you to think I was running away from you.”

  “Aren’t you?”

  “No. I just want to see what I want.” His voice was tight with frustration. “I’m going. I’ll be back next weekend.”

  She swayed forward on the balls of her feet, then, knowing he’d reject her, she pivoted toward the house so she wouldn’t have to watch him drive away.

  ***

  Trinity was bleary eyed—she hadn’t been able to go back to sleep after Leo’s visit last night—when she met Charles at the diner in Wilson the following morning. She hadn’t intended to, but Lily had called, acting as go-between, so Trinity had taken a personal day. Trinity had insisted on the distance from her home town, not wanting any of her neighbors and student parents to know her business. And Trinity figured if she met with him, he’d leave and she could figure out the rest. Like how important it was for Leo to accept her, or if this was the sign she’d been looking for, the sign to move away from Bluestone and move on.